Series One, Episode One.
Gavin Shipman, an Essex boy who lives with his mum and dad, Pam and Mic in Billericay, and Stacey West, a Barry (Vale of Glamorgan, Wales) girl, who lives with her widowed mother, Gwen, are both involved in a long-distanced relationship, but they have never met, all they do is talk to eachother over the phone. It doesn't exactly clarify how or when they started talking.
They finally arrange to meet in London, Gavin arranging to take his best friend Smithy (real name Neil Smith), while Stacey arranges to take her best friend, Nessa (real name Vannessa Jenkins).
That night at Gavin's house, his mum, Pam, is making the dinner, Gavin's dad Mic, tells him about getting offf early to place a bit of golf. He uses golfing slang saying, 'I played a couple of birdies.' Pam comes over, and says, 'What was that?', as she brings Mic and Gavin their dinners over. Mic makes something up quick saying he saw a couple of bordies in a bush as he came in. She tells him, 'You need to get a life, Michael! Gavin doesn't want to hear about two birds, in a bush!'. She thenbrings her own dinner plate over to the dinner table, and on it are three steaks. She claims to be on the Atkins, and then Mick tells her, 'You're eating half a cow woman!' Pam then tells him, 'Right, that's it! I knew you'd say something. I'll starve.' Gavin tells her, 'Mum, come on.' Pam says again, 'No, Gavin, I've had enough. I've tried. God knows, I've tried. I've done the lot. Pilates, doesn't work. Can't do the cabbage soup, because our Lordship don't like the smell, and now, I can't even have a steak!' Mic says, For, the love of Mike!' Gavin tells his Dad that his mum's on a diet. Mic then says, 'Look, I'm sorry. Have the s*****g steaks! He puts the plate in front of her again. Pam says, 'No! And do you know why? Because you will be up that golf club tomorrow, and you'll be givin' it all this -does hand gestures of people talkin-. "Oh, do you know what my wife Pamela had last night? Do you know what my fat, disgusting wife Pamela had? Three steaks. Then they'll go home and tell their wives, and before you know it, I'll be known as Three Steaks Pam. It's just like when I had that urine infection. Look at what they called me then, and I've only just shook that off.' Mic says, having a bite of his chip, 'Just eat the steak!' Pam replies, 'Oh, you'd love that wouldn't you? Well, no. No, Michael. You are going to watch me starve. Prepare to watch your wife starve, potentially, to death.' Smithy arrives shouting, 'Gav Lar, Pamela, Michael!' He then takes two of the steaks off Pam's hands, he can't eat all three because he says he just ate a shephard's pie.
At Stacey's house, Gwen and Stacey are both eating omelettes, while Gwen is warning Stacey that Gavin may be a pedophile, and that he may be grooming her. Stacey takes no notice. Stacey's uncle Bryn, who lives across the road and is Gwen's brother-in-law, comes around with a 'rape alarm'.
Stacey and Nessa get on a coach to get to London, DAVE'S COACHES. While having a cigarette outside the coach, Dave tells Stacey that he had one of the best nights of his life with Nessa, and that she is a complete animal. Stacey interrupts, asking whether it's all right to smoke on the coach. He says yes, and that his motto is, 'Fags and weed, glue and speed, but I draws the line at crack. That way, everyone knows where they stand.' Stacey replies, 'Fair play.'
Meanwhile, Gavin and Smithy catch a train. Whilst on the train, Smithy and Gavin have both got beers. Because Gavin doesn't drink his, Smithy informs him that Gavin was the one that went around to Smithy's house and bet him that they both could not try all the beers from around the world in a year, Smithy agreed to the bet, and they had been doing it. Smithy told Gavin that he didn't know where Gary, Simon and Fingers (all Gavin and Smithy's friends) were with it all. Gavin claimed he was too nervous to drink anything, so Smithy drank his for him. Smithy also tells Gavin, 'If this mate of hers turns out to be a 'munter', that's it for me and you.'
Stacey and Nessa get to London and Stacey waits for Gavin, while Nessa goes off for something to eat, although you don't actually see this happening. Gavin and Smithy arrive and see Stacey standing on her own, and Smithy keeps asking Gavin as they walk over to her, 'Oi, where's her mate, where's her mate?!' Stacey tells Gavin that she likes his 'cardi', and he tells her that it's from River Island, and she tells him so is her belt, amazing. Nessa arrives with two pieces of pizza, and they all introduce eachother again, Smithy and Nessa both with looks of disgust on their faces. Stacey and Gavin walk off, leaving Smithy and Nessa, while Nessa shouts, 'Oh, Stace, d'you not want this pizza now?' And Stacey replies, no, saying she's not hungry anymore.
They all go to a bar, and Gavin asks Stacey what she and Nessa want, she tells him, and he orders, two beers, double gin and tonic, white wine spritzer and eight after-shots. After he orders, Smithy tells him, 'This is a nightmare of epic proportions', and asks him, 'a) how old is it? b) have you seen her tattoo? c) have you seen the size of it?' She then comes, and Gavin says, 'Eh, been powdering your nose?' Nessa tells them sternly that she doesn't touch that anymore, she used to, but now she doesn't. Nessa and Stacey go off to get a table, and Smithy adds, '..and to top it all off, she's a drug addict.' When they are sitting down, you see Gavin and Stacey talking to eachother across the table, and Smithy and Nessa just ignoring eachother while they smoke and drink. As the night goes on, you see them gradually getting more and more interested in eachother, but not in a romantic way. Gavin and Stacey move to sit by eachother, and Smithy moves to sit by Nessa, and Smithy shows her his beer chart. They end up sharing a cigarette before moving onto the dance to kiss passionately while dancing. Gavin and Stacey are dancing too. They then (Gavin and Stacey) move to sit down on a couch, and Gavin tells her over the music that he feels like he's know her a long time, and she tells him the same, and because they can't hear eachother over the music, Gavin kisses her. At the end of the night, they all walk out, and Smithy and Nessa go and get hot dogs, while Stacey tells Gavin that he and Smithy could stay with them in the hotel for the night -if they wanted to. They agree, and they all spend a night together.
The next morning, Stacey and Nessa wake up early to catch their coach. Nessa is just putting her leather boots onto her feet; complete with fish-net tights, when she sees Stacey attempt to wake Gavin, and stops her, saying, 'Oh, Stace, don't wake him. I'm not being funny, but right now you look like s**t, and last night you looked crackin'. Let that be the memory.' Stacey replies, 'Good point, I'll leave a note.' Stacey then asks Nessa if they should wake Smithy, and she answers, 'No, leave him. His breath is rank, and mine's not much better.' She then pours a whole packet of 'Tic-Tacs' into her mouth.
The next thing you see is Gavin, just waking up. He feels around next to him, and realises Stacey has gone. He lifts his head, and sees a note on the pillow. It reads, 'Didn't want to wake you. Thanks for the best night ever, Stace, xx. -please turn over- P.S -If you find Nessa's thong can you post it back to me.' After he reads this, he jumps out of bed shouting Smithy to get up, twice. You see Smithy wake up lazily. He keeps saying 'oh gosh, oh my gosh'. Gavin warns him that they haven't got time for that. Smithy tells him he feels as if he's been abused, and Gavin tells him to hurry up, because he wants to say goodbye properly to Stacey. Smithy then tells him that he feels guilty over cheating on Lucy, his seventeen-year-old girlfriend. Gavin tells him not to, and Smithy tells him that she did things, she put things in.. He then asks Gavin what Stacey did, and Gavin replies, 'Smithy, I can't believe you're even asking me. I am not discussing anything about last night with you.' Smithy then says, 'I need to know whether this is something that just.... (Gavin tells him Nessa's name, fore he can't remember it), Nessa. Whether it's something that just she does, or is it a Welsh thing?' Gavin asks him: 'What does it matter?' And then Smithy replies, 'Cause if it's something everybody does, I don't need to see a doctor do I?' Gavin tells him to get dressed, and then walks off -to the bathroom presumably. You then see Smithy rub his eyes and get up, and see that he is wearing Nessa's red thong. He then sits back down rubbing his eyes while saying 'oh god'.
What you see next is Nessa and Stacey standing outside their coach, smoking. Nessa is standing by the back where Dave, the owner of DAVE'S COACHES, and also one of Nessa's ex-boyfriends, is loading the 'boot' with suitcases and trunks. He turns his attention to Ness, and says, 'Don't suppose I can tempt you to a chinese down mine later?' Nessa replies, after a drag of her cigarette, 'Oh, Dave, when you gonna learn? You can buy me all the chocolates, all the chow mein you like, but it won't wash and you knows why. Now back off, or I'll tell everyone on that coach about my trip to the doctor's. Is that what you really want?' It doesn't actually clarify what she actually what she went to the doctor's for.
You then hear Gavin shouting Stacey. She turns around and sees him running to her, and then he hugs her while she's saying a happy 'oh, ooooh', he tells her he had to say goodbye. You then see Smithy handing over Nessa's thong, telling her that she forgot it. She says, 'Oh, tidy.' Smithy tells her he'll give her a ring, and she asks why, and he implies about last night, he thinks it's the decent thing to do after spending the night with a girl. She simply says, 'Oh, get a life Smithy!' She then shouts Stacey, and does a head gesture telling her to come on to the coach, so that they can get home. You then see that Stacey looks upset. Gavin tells her to cheer up, as they'll see eachother again really soon. Stacey says, 'Don't. And Gavin asks, 'What?' Stacey replies, 'Don't promise me nothing. If this is all it's meant to be, I'm just still so glad I met you!' She kiss, and then hug, and Gavin puts his arm around and walks her to the coach door, which takes six seconds. They wave goodbye, and she gets on. The coach then drives off, and you see Gavin and Smithy standing on the side of the road, where Smithy light a cigarette. Smithy asks him if they're are going to KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken), and Gavin tells him, no, there's something he has to do. Gavin shouts for a taxi, and asks the taxi driver to drive him to Billericay. Smithy says, 'I thought we were gonna share a bucket?' Gavin merely asks him, 'You coming or what?' You now see Stacey and Nessa on a coach full of people, Stacey crying out of the quietly, and rubbing her nose on a tissue, and Nessa reading a magazine, while eating a big sandwich. Music plays in this scene. Stacey then turns to look out of the window.
You then see the taxi that Gavin and Smithy go into pulling up outside a house in Billericay. Gavin hops out almost immediatly, and pulls out the keys to his car (blue Citroen Saxo 1.6, 'P' reg), he gets into the car, and his mum Pam comes out with a towel wrapped around her head, and a green face mask on shouting, 'Gav. Gavin! How did it go?'. He winds down the window, and tells her, 'Brilliant.' Pam asks him, 'What's she like?', with a smile on her face. He tells her that he'll tell her later. She then gets a shocked look on her face, as he drives off. Smithy then appears, saying sarcastically, 'See ya then.' Pam asks what's going on, and Smithy says, 'Don't ask. All I know is I am so ravenous I can barely see.' Pam says, with a smile on her face, Do you want a Pammy's full english?' Smithy tells her, 'You read my mind'. They then walk into the house, while Pam asks him if he had a good time. Smithy says he didn't, and then you see him clutch his bottom.
You now see Gavin driving along a motorway in his car.
Automatically, the scene changes, and you see the coach that Stacey and Nessa are on, pulling up at the bus stop on Barry Island. One man gets off the bus, and then Stacey, she looks to her right, and then to her left, and she sees Gavin standing there. She says, 'Oh, my God!' with a look of surprise on her face, and runs over to him smiling saying, 'What you doing here?'. Gavin says, 'I said I'd see ya soon, didn't I?' They start kissing, and then Stacey looks upset. Gavin asks her what's the matter, and she says, 'Nothing.' Gavin says, 'What?' And Stacey replies, 'It's stupid.' Gavin says rubbing her short hair from her face, 'Stace?' Stacey answers, 'It's just.. I told myself if ever I saw you again, in the flesh like, that I..' Gavin says what again, as she stops talking. Stacey continues, '..that I'd tell you something. But I can't.' Nessa interrupts this romantic moment, by saying, 'Oh, Stace, I'm going for a curry with Dave. I'll call you tomorrow.' You have to remember that not long ago, she was threatening him that if he didn't leave her alone, she would tell everyone about her 'trip to the doctor's'. Gavin says, 'If you say it, I'll say it back.' Stacey smiles and says, 'I love you'. 'I love you, too'. Gavin says. She burst into laughter, and smiles, and tears of happinness, and she jumps on him, and they both start kissing. They're suddenly comes a very high-pitched alarm. Gavin asks, 'What's that?' And Stacey answers, 'Just my rape alarm!' They continue kissing, and the camers zooms out, and you see the coach driving off, and a view of Barry Island.
Then come the credits.
List of CharactersStacey: Joanna Page
Gavin: Mathew Horne
Gwen: Melanie Walters
Pam: Alison Steadman
Nessa: Ruth Jones
Mic: Larry Lamb
Smithy: James Corden
Bryn: Rob Brydon
Dave: Steffan Rhodri
No comments:
Post a Comment